Who's that lady with a big belly?

Behold my pregnant belly! One of these shots are at 28 weeks, one at 18 weeks and one at 14 weeks. Can you guess which one is which? Don't you love the "buff mama" shot?

I just made it to 29 weeks...by next week is when I will start to freak a little. In the 30's...wow. I've started seeing my ol' chiropractor due to the pains on my right leg. That leg happens to be a bit shorter than the other and my right side as always bore the brunt of all my activities. In softball/tennis it was my right shoulder. During horsebackriding/snowboarding it was my left knee, and now during pregnancy my left sit bone is killing me! I've had to tone down the leg lifts considerably. At lease I can still work out them arms.

Enter! The 3rd Trimester!

The third trimester came not in a whisper but with a primal scream. I'M HERE. YOU. REALLY PREGNANT! Exactly 28 weeks, I experienced some real pregnancy complaints. My belly suddenly blew up, my back hurt and I've started to get "rehearsal contractions" aka Braxton Hicks Contractions. Supposedly painless. Hah! I read somewhere that since MR Hicks never felt one, how would he know that they felt... hellish! It was on a regular Thursday evening after work, when all of the sudden these tightenings in my abdomen came one after another. Every 5 -10 minutes, lasting :30 seconds. FOR TWO DAYS AND TWO NIGHTS! It hurt my back, my groin, and really took my breath away.

A bit concerned I went to the doctor. Everything is fine and I'm not in real labor, baby is fine-but these gave me an idea of what i was in for! (Which will hurt way more by the way)

It was hard for me to do anything. To walk, to get up, to sit. I for the first time, was immobilized! It lasted a couple days, went away, and still comes back to give me a hard time. I remembering experiencing them before, during exercising of all things, and now, I've got to take it easy. No more buff mama. I plan to take it easy until 36 weeks, then go back to walking more to encourage labor.

I heard that these Hicks can help w/ a shorter labor, and I hope that is the case! Oh, Tiger Balm realllly helps and so does drinking alot of water, a heating pad, a belly support belt, laying on the left side, and taking deep breaths through them, much like I'd have to during the real thing. I guess not all women feel them or even get them. Its making me feel finally like a pregnant lady! Well, If it does help my body in toning for the real thing, I suppose I will just have to learn to live with them!

Buff Mama

Throughout the pregnancy my exercise regimen is walk around the block at lunch and walk for about 40 minutes after work. Couple times a week, I would lift some very light weights (5-10lbs) just to tone up some arm muscles and back muscles. 2 lb leg ankle weights would help me tone the glutes and butt. Then the days would be for yoga or stretching. I read that exercise helps for a easier labor, as well as recovery. I like to feel fit and tight and exercise helps my mood and attitude. I made sure never to work out laying on my back, kept my heartrate steady and not high and rested if I got too tired. Thanks to my dogs, I've already been walking this much for the last 5 years, so it wasn't hard to stick with it. As of now, I gained about 13lbs. From 125 to 138. However, my belly is getting very large (more on that later). I'm all belly, with not much fat put on anywhere but the necessary parts, a little fuller in the face. I still eat whatever I want but I make sure that I eat a variety of foods. I don't deny myself, but at the same time, I try and eat more fruits and vegetables and lean proteins. I do love a sip of Coke every now and then, and really enjoy cookies and cakes, how can I claim to be a rebel if I don't give in to some vices!

What I didn't expect is given all this exercise I experienced horrifying night leg cramps, but luckily, a banana, kiwi or watermelon really does the trick to get rid of them. As long as I eat one of those fruits a day I don't get the cramps. They really suck because they just sneak up on me while I'm dreaming of puppies, flowers and ice-cream.

One month an Angel, the next a Turkey, soon to be a whale

Halloween has come and gone and next week it will be Thanksgiving! I'm at 25 weeks now and though I have a good 3 months plus left, the time has flown by. The "nursery" is still a room where we keep boxes, cd's and paperwork we don't want to look at. I've yet to take any birthing classes or settled on a name.. I've really just been trying to slow down time and just enjoying the now. I take pauses on my walks to notice my surroundings, pay special attention to the dogs (and the man) and just having a feel good moment. My life right now is about eating healthy, stretching, exercising, cracking jokes and just having fun with the holidays. Apparently by the ninth month my friends say I will be a whale and won't be able to do anything. I refuse to believe them! I do know that soon it will be crunch time and I gotta prepare for baby....but hey, we finally picked out a few fun things in our registry. #1 item on the list is Butt Paste. We just think the name is funny.

ps: Ok just so you know, the angel costume really accentuated the belly cuz its a poofy dress. I am actually not a whale yet (more on that later when I finally give post exercise routine)

My last Halloween as a childless old witch

My favorite holiday of all time as a kid is Halloween. Dressing up, being scary, Halloween decorating and horror movies are hella fun. This year the big kid in me has returned and I am gonna really get into the spirit. I am gonna be a pregnant Angel (not a old witch hag that some people expect)--complete with wings and a halo, but with a really scary face. I am really excited to enjoy my last Halloween as a childless woman, for I'm sure the Halloweens to come will be full of magical fun of the cuter sort...not demons, evil angles and ministers of darknesses, I'm really going for scary this year.....so we invited a few friends over for a small party and we are gonna stop at the local bar (virgin drinks for me, so don't worry)

But, for the first time I realize, that sometimes single, childless people act like freakin' senior citizens. Some complained that we should have the party on the weekend. Some exasperated people talk about how they have to work the next day and a party on a Tuesday is just too much for us to ask for! I guess some even think Halloween night is a non-event or they are just too tired..If anyone should complain about being tired it should be me, I'm the pregnant one! I can't wait to dress up, pass out candy and just be silly, but so far, we are only counting on 2 people who definitely will show up. Well the rest can just go to hell! Now I know why people with kids hang out with other people with kids. I think having kids really make you re-live your childhood, plus maybe it weeds out the lazies who have no energy for bloody punch and spider legs cupcakes. I suppose in the future, I'll just have to invite a bunch of parents and their kids over. Someone's gotta appreciate the haunted forest I created my living room.

The Quickening

Sounds like the title to a sci-fi suspense movie doesn't it? Quickening is the time when mother to be's feel the first movements. Today I have reached the 21 week mark and I have been feeling the movements for maybe 3 weeks. Many describe it as flutterings, or butterflies or little fish swimming. For me, initially it felt like a pulse in my abdomen, then it felt like trapped gas, now it feels like someone is in there moving around, pressing on me and some times, I can feel a lump from the outside! It is seriously the most interesting of feelings, especially for first timers. You get used to the frequency and know when the baby is sleeping or bouncing around. I wish I had a webcam of my womb! Most people say it feels like an alien is in there, but I don't have those feelings. Since the luvbaby hasn't given me any problems at all, I just feel like she is a part of my body. Oh by the way, its a girl!

Somebody lock me up and throw away the key

I am having a glorious pregnancy. I am! No morning sickness, plenty of energy, glowing etc and most times I am confident
and feeling F-I-N-E...well except for the few moments of paranoia I get. It usually starts with me reading about someone else's problems on the internet when I should be working. This week, was the "Incompetent Cervix".

Geez I got so paranoid I think I gave myself symptoms. Then I tricked my doctor into seeing me at the last minute. They gave me a quick scan, and of course my cervix is plenty competent. Maybe they need to do a scan of my brain instead.

I love boys, I love girls

For a long time, I felt I would have a boy as a first child. Even back in the day when I didn't even have boy dogs or boy cats, or a boyfriend, I always pictured myself as a mother of a boy. I think it is because I grew up a tomboy and love adventures and the outdoors. As a little girl, my favorite article of clothing was a stained Tiger's head Wild Animal Park BLUE t-shirt. I loved Vans, Nikes and Converse high-tops. It wasn't until I was in High School that I discovered "the Dress".

Currently I live w/ 4 dudes. Man, 2 dogs, cat. Its a real sausage festival at my house. That doesn't include the fact that I work with 95% guys at my work. I didn't plan it that way, that's just how it ended up. Then there are all the boys of my boy.

The luvman is a guy's guy. He has a ton of guy friends and they love to talk about sports and rap music. He has absolutely no feminine interests or sensitivity at all, though he can cook a mean steak dinner for us.

Having a boy would be pretty easy, I'm just used to dealing with the male species. However...recently, I've been thinking about having a little girl. Not to play dress up or anything, but I picture her perhaps being a scientist or someone strong and great, command the next spaceship, (yet also can play the piano and know how to germinate exotic flowers like mama)

The thing about being an American is that women can do anything. In the 'old country' everyone wants a boy because only a boy can take care of you when you are old and gray. Hell, I intend to take care of myself and be a sassy buff granny but I digress... I guess when it comes down to it, I'd like to have boys and girls. But with my luck, I'll probably end up w/ all boys.

I just want to punch you in the face

When I was single and childless, they all tell me to hurry up and have a kid, how great it is, and tell me how pathetic my life would be without children. The minute they know that I am having a baby, they start telling me how terrible pregnancy is, how hard it is to have kids, and how I'll be giving up on all the fun things in life. WTF?

Lately, there are certainly people who made me want to punch their face in. From the friend who insists I'll be getting morning sickness soon (um, I'm in my 5th month dear) to the dad who won't shut up about how life will change and I'll never get to have fun again, to the person who assumes I'm an idiot by giving me hullo? obvious advice about taking prenatals, eating right, sleeping, breathing and you know, stuff that make me say Duh really??

Then there are those who think my belly isn't big enough, too big, or give me scary tales about birth and parenting or tell me just how fat I WILL get....you know what? I've decided to shut my ears internally (and tell them to suck it) I am not going to subscribe to this fear tactic! First of all, they are NOT ME! and believe me, I sure as hell am definitely not them.

Linea Whata?

Supposedly, I will be getting a line that runs down my belly soon, and I've been sorta obsessed about it. The idea that some bizarre line down my middle is well to say the least, bizarre. The Linea Negra they call it. Sounds very scientific and sorta wacky.
Its harmless & caused by increased harmone producing more melanin. Old wives tales say if the line starts from under the boobs all the way to the top of the pubic bone, then its a boy. If it starts at the navel to the pubic area, then a girl. I think I see a faint line, I wonder how dark it would be since I'm pretty pale. I've seen pictures of other peoples Linea and it just trips me out to know that there is some mark out there that shows up out of nowhere separating their left and right side. Yeah I know, off all the things to trip out on you are wondering why this!?

So when do I give up the camouflage and combat boots?

A large part of my wardrobe is dedicated to not-so-mommy-like items such as punk shirts with skull graphics, ripped jeans, belly baring tops, wife-beaters, flip-flops, combat boots and oh, lots of camo. Since I don't have a dresscode at work, I've never bought sensible coordinates and wore pretty much the standard hippy-artist-rebel-unsuitable for a 35 year old-outfits. Now that my waistline is finally expanding, I've not only had to order preggo belly rings (www.painfulpleasures.com), but I'm now entering the territory of maternity wear. (yuck) So far, I haven't given in and still wearing my old clothes with an added elastic for my unbuttoned jeans, and soon my new thing will be to search out clothes for preggos that don't cramp my style. Hey I got a rep to protect.

Dial B for Baby

So why was I so cheery and chipper at my doctor appointment? (no its not all due to the glucose high) My normal self is too be nervous and fatalistic at these things. Why was I giggling? Well, its cuz I already knew things were fine the night before... me and my baby chatted via Doppler!

I said I wasn't gonna get a fetal Doppler in case I become obsessive compulsive about it....what the heck! I got one! I ordered it from www.bellybeats.com for only $25 a month. Its so cool. So far, I promise to check up on the luvbaby only once a week. Well I JUST got it so I've used it 4 times in the last week. OK I'll slow down, I will! I just wanted to show my brother and sister; then of course me and luvman heard it together, well then I had this dream they couldn't find the heartbeat so I had to re-assure myself. No, I'm not obsessed. Really.

Hello, your baby is a lemon

I've been subscribing to various baby/preggo sites and lo and behold got my 15 week reminder from www.americanbaby.

They are trying to tell me my baby is now 4 inches long and looks like a lemon. Nuh-uh, I checked. I got a freebie ultrasound from good o'l Dr. Bliss (she may be my delivering doc) and the baby has a head, a belly, toes and fingers and bounces around happily. Was so cute!

I thought I was getting a glucose tolerance test and actually drank this sweet drink that tasted like flat Orange Crush, so I was high on sugar and bouncing around like the baby. Turns out, I'm not supposed to get this test until 6 months or unless I'm 300 lbs so I drank it all for nothing, but the high was well worth it.

15 weeks and sick of talking about it!

Hi, I know I know, I'm not being a good blogger about posting updates! Between the last post and this one, we have told a few more people. His parents, his boss, my best friend, my other best friend, my cousin and my work associate. But I felt like I was saying the same ol' story over and over again so I was all out of words to post. I needed to regain my umph so to speak so I can be my usual self, whatever that is.

His parents are p-r-e-t-t-y excited. His mom is beyond help, shes gone nuts! The first day we told she must have called five times to tell us that she is excited. My other best friend's eyes welled up with tears, my best friend Renee made an excited face and my cousins mouth turned into an O. The luvman's boss gave him an awkward hug and my work associate seemed very surprised. So still not everyone knows, but it is kinda fun shocking/surprising people. I know, we are cruel. It'd be easier just to send out a mass email, but I love to see the look on each person's face and have them tell me they just thought i got fat.

Thump thump thump thump!

Yahoooo. Another milestone. Just had my 12 week exam and everything is normal. Which is great because I was seriously freakin' myself out. I'm telling you, I need to stop reading those forums, at least about the miscarriages. Its so nerve-wracking and made me so nervous before this appointment. There is TOO much information. I need to go back to appreciating the mysteries-of-the womb instead and wean myself from absorbing too much knowlege.

I got to hear the heartbeat, which was super cool. It was so loud and easy to hear. The doc said it was because I don't have a lot of "subcutaneous layers". She said everything is as it should be. Iron levels, good. Blood pressure, perfect. Yay

Since I have really no symptoms or morning sickness, it can feel like I'm not even knocked up, or worse, what if something happened, how would I know I was still preggars?? I kinda want one of those dopplers to hear the heartbeat everyday! But then I might get obsessed and start listening too much, or freak out if the heart is not beating fast enough, or too fast.

Well for now, I am feeling good, my heart is back to its normal low-anxiety "chillin" state. I should thank my lucky stars I don't feel sick to my stomach, kick back and start to enjoy this thing!

Promise I won't be that way

Being over 35, I am always besieged by questions such as, "when are you gonna get marrrrriiiiiieeeed??" or "If you want kids, you better hurry uuuUP!". Followed by comments about how I'll end up an old maid, die lonely and regret not "settling" down. First of all I exclaim to these assholes, "I am NOT going to SETTLE" and secondly, I ask, "when are you getting a divorce". That usually shuts them up. I have a lot of nosy "old country" aunts who love to make catty remarks about how the only men left for me out there will be old dried up men, perfect match for my dried up womb. Ha, little do they know.

I find these remarks not even worth my time, I can't believe sometimes what women say to each other. Maybe they are really concerned for my welfare, but I suspect A) They have no life and have nothing better to say, or B) they are assholes who must be so miserable they want to bring a little misery to someone else. All I know is this: I hope I will never be THAT biotch. I guess men can be catty too. Either way, "when are you gonna get maaaaaaaaaaaaaarried" is one question I'm going to try my darndest not to say. Unless its to my own kid, where that is totally acceptable and not out of line at all!

Perhaps I should not lift (extremely) heavy objects

Part of having a Rebel Mama attitude is to not let my condition stop me from doing the things I always have. If it includes trying to stuff an extremely heavy couch into my little Honda Suv, so be it. There I was, lifting, sweating, willing this damn thing to squeeze into my cargo area with no success. At some point I knew I had to give up, but not without trying for another 30 minutes, contorting the couch into various positions.

20 minutes later and a breathless me decided to give it up. I'll let some other unpregnant lady try and do this. So I walked away from a free couch, and a realization that man, I am tired! I also admitted to myself that I will not be able to do this kind of marathon, muscle-bound work in a few weeks. Better save that resolve and energy for 9 months later.

The rational and irrational fears of the pregnant

I told you how I spend a lot of time in pregnancy forums (at work, don't tell my boss!) and I've compiled a list of common fears that befall us (and me). Some are legit, some are silly. But hey, that extra shot of harmones really does give you a mind trip! Here it is in no special order....our fears! Let me know if I'm forgetting any!

1) Fear of Labor
2) Fear the baby will be born 11 lbs
3) Fear of Ectopic pregnancy
4) Having only $5 in my savings account
5) Ability to parent
6) Changes with our partner
7) Weight gain, foot gain, butt gain
8) If child will grow up to be a serial killer
9) Stretch marks
10) That my partner will dump me
12) My partner will dump me cuz I'm being a pain in the ass
13) Will never get to go out dancing ever again
14) Will be a future driver of a mini-van
15) Every little abdominal pain is scary
16) My narrow hips will never push that baby out
17) Fear of Miscarriage
18) Fear of raw tuna
19) Fear of the smell of raw tuna
20) Sudden fear of my dog and those canine teeth
21) Fear of my childless single girlfriends reaction
22) Fear of loosing my cool
23) Fear of loosing my sex appeal and
having to resort to wearing "mom jeans"

click on this link to check out mom jeans!
www.guzer.com/videos/mom_jeans.php

Don't eat watermelon and other old wives tales

This summer was a hot one and when its hot, I crave, desire, WANT watermelon. You know, I can sit there and eat a whole watermelon no problem. Then my mom said that I wasn't supposed to eat it due to some chinese beliefs. That, and oh--bananas, beans, salads and other nutritious items that are deemed "too cold" and might harm the baby. C'mon! Then I get checkup calls from her. Not to see how I am doing, but to tell me to get rid of my dog, cover my belly so the baby don't catch cold, don't exercise at all...oh and move out of my house because its on a busy street. Needless to say, shes driving me nuts. Then she'll try and guess the sex of the luvbaby by how red my nose is...or not. So far she flip flops so I guess she doesn't really know. Currently she thinks its a boy. Well shes 50% right. Am I listening to these old wives tales? Nope. I way I see it, if my baby aint strong enough to survive me eating a watermelon or two, and some damn beans well maybe it aint right for this world. We can't shield the little one from everything, the borage of germs that will envelope the new-born, the chemicals, toxins-- all this will be a part of his or her's life and well he or she is gonna have to be strong--survival of the fittest right? I am not the first person in this world to have a baby, why I just read in the L.A times women from mexico have crossed the border pregnant and without food for days in the hot desert sun so um, I am not gonna sweat it, I'll take another slice of that watermelon.

The scent of fried chicken

I've always been a carb addict. I love pasta, rice, bread, pies, pastries, pies. Oh and pies. I love apple pie. Except for now. Right now, what I really crave is a steak, or perhaps a whole rotisserie chicken, ahhh. Korean BBQ sounds pretty good right about now. I said I didn't have any Weird Cravings (like pickles and Ice cream). That doesn't mean I don't salivate at the scent of slow-cooked meat.
Funny that I should crave salt and meat instead of sweets and carbs. I blame the luvman. It must be his genes. I'm normally "almost vegetarian" with a love for apple pie. The only sweet things I crave now is fruit. Especially watermelon. There is no way I can be satisfied with just a veggie lasagna. I can probably eat a whole watermelon. Just don't forget the fried chicken.

What's the big deal about telling and why I now know

I recently sat down with my best friend "Renee" at dinner and I got her chatting about her sister who just gave birth. Asked all the juicy questions without making it obvious that my interest is purely selfish. I wanted to know! Did it hurt? How long was her labor? Did she have morning sickness? When did she tell everyone?

That's when Renee said, "I don't know what the big deal is, why do preggo ladies have to wait the requisite 13 weeks to tell?!" I just briefly remarked that its just to make sure that the pregnancy "stuck".

"Well then, just tell everyone it didn't stick, who cares!". Boy she had no idea.

I used to think the same thing, but after spending countless hours on www.babycenter.com and other forums, I realize sometimes, a lot of pregnancies didn't stick and it is a truly traumatic and sometimes even embarrassing situation for many women. The ecstatic mood you are in makes you want to shout it to the world! Then you hear the pain of someone who had to tell that same world that it ended in miscarriage is too much for most to bear. Not to mention, in this age of informational onslaught, you feel like so many things can go wrong...so I'm definitely gonna wait until after my next appointment. So until then...

I remain tight lipped.

Hezbollah attacks! Israel strikes back! World War III begins! By the way, I'm pregnant

This month has been crazy. Aside from the fact that one day, I was headed toward middle-age childless yet fine with it, to..." I got the whole world in my womb"...One day "preparing for the end of the world as we know it" to thinking, I've got to do something to create change and make the world a better place. For the future! I never cared too much about the future, I always looked to it with nonchalant detachment, knowing that us moronic humans will probably destroy it, so be it, I didn't care. Well now something changed (whatever could it be? hmmm...) I care deeply about life, the world, our society-- and feel a bit insane to bring a child into this volatile world we live in. Lately the news has been nothing but bad news. Global warming this...Apocalypse that...shows such as, the Anti-Christ, and Count-down to Doomsday are really popular. Has everyone gone mad I ask myself. Are we crazy to do this baby thing!?

The truth is, hard-times and end of the world scenarios have always been a part of mankind, since the beginning of time. Yet we've managed to survive. There will always be positive news along with the bad. The earth can die, but we've always got that big ol' expanse of space to fill out there. I believe in humanity, and I believe in goodness (I also believe in rotating space habitats but more on that later). And whether its my brood that'll make it or somebody else's, the truth is, we are all in this as humankind. All I can do is keep my chin up and just live. Teach the luvbaby a thing or two about survival, self-defense, and knowing how to prepare for the bad and never stop hoping for the best.

I'm having a white man's baby! and other crazy rants

Did I mention that I felt great? Great also means um, combative and warrior-like. Yeah. Ever since I found out that the future resides within me, I have taken on a new alter-ego known as Warrior-Mama. Every injustice, every ignorant comment sets me fuming and my claws come out. Watch out racist pigs, better hide, evil doers, I'll kick your scrawny ass, satan worshipping rocker dudes! Trying to make this a better world for my kid means changing it, one idiot at a time. And if that idiot happens to be the future uncle of the luvbaby, so be it!

So I said, that you guys were the only ones other than me and the luvman to know of my condition--well that sorta changed 8 weeks into the situation when my dearest brother made a flippant remark about how its better to date within ones own race. Rrrroar! Did my talons come swooping down onto the poor guy. Now, he's no racist in any sense and he is a wonderful brother and guy. But boy was I steaming pissed partly due to raging hormones-- so did I just sit there and nod agreeably? Hell no. I called him a few names (@#*%'ing pig? maybe) and said in a most dramatic fashion at dinner with my brother, his girlfriend, my mom, and my sister... (now picture sheer drama....) I said, "well I'm pregnant with a white mans baby and I'm going to have a half-breed!!" Ha! Pig!

I ran out of the restaurant, still fuming, and my poor family came out cracking up and wondering if I have gone mad. I started laughing too. Who wouldn't, I mean talk about confessions of a preggo drama queen. Yes, I sheepishly admitted, I'm knocked up. More laugher ensued. I had to make sure they keep it a secret since I had told the luvman we weren't telling until my next appointment, still 4 weeks away from that time. So many secrets! I can't bear it much longer!!

So aside from feeling like an earth mother goddess most days, the others are spent fighting the good fight! Hoping to make this world a better place for my luvbaby, which includes complaining to media/radio stations if they make racist remarks, trying to stop global warming, bringing peace to the middle-east, you know, I got a lot of work cut out for me.

yolk Sac backpacks and other little secrets

I'm sure you've gathered that the luvman and I have not broken up, but rather are on a totally new level of jokes. Back when I was about 6 weeks knocked up, we went to our first ultrasound appointment and got the much need reassurance that the luvbaby is not in the wrong part of my innards, like you know, sittin in the tubes or something. We also saw a little heartbeat and found out that the little one is a whopping 1.2 centimeters long! "It" also had a little yolk sac attached to it. What the luvman calls, the yolksac backpack where it keeps all the hot dogs. Ha ha. If you thought that was funny.

Everyday since then has been about wise-cracks and jokes about me boozin' it up, going horse-back riding, or if I can't eat, say raw tuna or something, we'd raise our hands up in the air and exclaim, "why, what's soooo different now?" and, "why am I so tired, whatever can be wrong with me?". Also, since we've decided not to say anything to our friends and family yet (sort of) its been fun having our little secret, and exchanging sly looks when I don't partake in any alcohol when we go out with people. He says he's going to gain weight along with me, which only makes me NOT want to gain anything more than the baby/placenta/boobs allowance of 25-30 lbs! Now that I'm actually 10 weeks along, I've gone back to a bit of exercising, more on that later...

Some ladies are gonna hate me, but honestly, ever since I found out the truth (that I wasn't PMS'ing for 2 months) I've felt, well terrific. No nausea, no morning sickness, no weird cravings. Between 5-8 weeks I was tired and sleepy, but we were also having a horrible heat wave. I had bizarre allergy attacks, but it was early summer. I was a raving lunatic but, well I thought I was PMS'ing. Now, I feel actually kinda sexy, glorious...earthly. Maybe being knocked up agrees with me. Yeah no kidding.

What I got going on right now

The Family Album.

My 30's have been a re-visit of my teenage years. I have a pretty fun job as a designer and spend my free time traveling, painting, horseback riding, working out, hanging out with my dogs and well, just feeling free and youthful. I didn't even blink an eye when I turned 35. The fun never stops in my opinion and getting older hasn't felt old at all. I had a pretty tough childhood and 20s, and my serious relationship before this one made me feel like an old lady. So I have really been enjoying my life and feeling like a teenager for once in my life. We love to have friends over, and I painted everynight. My normal bed-time was about 2 a.m. everynight. Everyone says "everything changes once you have a kid!" I am looking forward to it, but I hope I won't sound like I'm whining when I start saying that to my younger sister.

The Prologue

Talk about jumping head first into unknown waters. For the 2 years we've been dating, we've pretty much just gone with the flow. I'm happy, he's happy and we've pretty much left it as that. The really funny thing is the day before the 4th, I had been having crazy mood swings and totally broke up with him, threatened to move out, and blurted, "Moving in was the biggest mistake of my life!". I thought I was having a month-long PMS attack, and due to being worn out over a long extended weekend of going out everynight, partying with friends, (how terrible right?). I felt like I wanted out! Silly me, I was just preggo. On the morning of July 4th 2006, right before the Space Shuttle Discovery took off with a pristine launch, I took one of them clear blue easy tests. You know, the kind that spells it out for you. PREGNANT. ooops, maybe I shouldn't have broken up with him.

Guess What?

Holy Mary, Mother of God, I am with child!

Preggo, PG, knocked up, Federlined. Yep that's me. Currently it's a secret. (sort of) You know, and my man knows. As I mentioned, I am 35 (going on 17), lived many life-times, free as a bird artist and designer living in Los Angeles with my man-friend/baby daddy, 2 dogs and a cat. I had a pretty full life before I got the big fat positive and I now spend my days pondering and daydreaming how life will be in about 30 weeks. Not that I am afraid of the little addition, I'm excited and understand that at my gasp, advanced age, "Its now or never". I've been ready, not ready, and ready for a long time but the truth is.. it just took me this long to land the right guy! Or maybe it is the other way around.

Bingo! Bullseye! We've hit the jackpot on the road to breederdom, continuing our lineage of superb genes! We're now "in da' club" and I get to know what all those preggar ladies where babbling about, and now get to feel self-important (I'm carrying the next president of the United States! For godssakes!) I'm Earth Mother, goddess, hear me roar and get out of my way!

Actually- I, like many millions of women before me have done this thing. And as mentioned before, being an unmarried, previously fancy free and footloose, "older" broad raising a mixed-race luvbaby with all the uncertainties of this nutty world will sure have its challenges. But I like to imagine myself standing there with my hair in the wind, braving the changes to come...This is destiny! Written in the stars, planned out for ages! Well no, this story sorta started the night my boyfriend said, "well if you don't feel like taking the pill, then don't"...

'OK'