Hezbollah attacks! Israel strikes back! World War III begins! By the way, I'm pregnant

This month has been crazy. Aside from the fact that one day, I was headed toward middle-age childless yet fine with it, to..." I got the whole world in my womb"...One day "preparing for the end of the world as we know it" to thinking, I've got to do something to create change and make the world a better place. For the future! I never cared too much about the future, I always looked to it with nonchalant detachment, knowing that us moronic humans will probably destroy it, so be it, I didn't care. Well now something changed (whatever could it be? hmmm...) I care deeply about life, the world, our society-- and feel a bit insane to bring a child into this volatile world we live in. Lately the news has been nothing but bad news. Global warming this...Apocalypse that...shows such as, the Anti-Christ, and Count-down to Doomsday are really popular. Has everyone gone mad I ask myself. Are we crazy to do this baby thing!?

The truth is, hard-times and end of the world scenarios have always been a part of mankind, since the beginning of time. Yet we've managed to survive. There will always be positive news along with the bad. The earth can die, but we've always got that big ol' expanse of space to fill out there. I believe in humanity, and I believe in goodness (I also believe in rotating space habitats but more on that later). And whether its my brood that'll make it or somebody else's, the truth is, we are all in this as humankind. All I can do is keep my chin up and just live. Teach the luvbaby a thing or two about survival, self-defense, and knowing how to prepare for the bad and never stop hoping for the best.

I'm having a white man's baby! and other crazy rants

Did I mention that I felt great? Great also means um, combative and warrior-like. Yeah. Ever since I found out that the future resides within me, I have taken on a new alter-ego known as Warrior-Mama. Every injustice, every ignorant comment sets me fuming and my claws come out. Watch out racist pigs, better hide, evil doers, I'll kick your scrawny ass, satan worshipping rocker dudes! Trying to make this a better world for my kid means changing it, one idiot at a time. And if that idiot happens to be the future uncle of the luvbaby, so be it!

So I said, that you guys were the only ones other than me and the luvman to know of my condition--well that sorta changed 8 weeks into the situation when my dearest brother made a flippant remark about how its better to date within ones own race. Rrrroar! Did my talons come swooping down onto the poor guy. Now, he's no racist in any sense and he is a wonderful brother and guy. But boy was I steaming pissed partly due to raging hormones-- so did I just sit there and nod agreeably? Hell no. I called him a few names (@#*%'ing pig? maybe) and said in a most dramatic fashion at dinner with my brother, his girlfriend, my mom, and my sister... (now picture sheer drama....) I said, "well I'm pregnant with a white mans baby and I'm going to have a half-breed!!" Ha! Pig!

I ran out of the restaurant, still fuming, and my poor family came out cracking up and wondering if I have gone mad. I started laughing too. Who wouldn't, I mean talk about confessions of a preggo drama queen. Yes, I sheepishly admitted, I'm knocked up. More laugher ensued. I had to make sure they keep it a secret since I had told the luvman we weren't telling until my next appointment, still 4 weeks away from that time. So many secrets! I can't bear it much longer!!

So aside from feeling like an earth mother goddess most days, the others are spent fighting the good fight! Hoping to make this world a better place for my luvbaby, which includes complaining to media/radio stations if they make racist remarks, trying to stop global warming, bringing peace to the middle-east, you know, I got a lot of work cut out for me.

yolk Sac backpacks and other little secrets

I'm sure you've gathered that the luvman and I have not broken up, but rather are on a totally new level of jokes. Back when I was about 6 weeks knocked up, we went to our first ultrasound appointment and got the much need reassurance that the luvbaby is not in the wrong part of my innards, like you know, sittin in the tubes or something. We also saw a little heartbeat and found out that the little one is a whopping 1.2 centimeters long! "It" also had a little yolk sac attached to it. What the luvman calls, the yolksac backpack where it keeps all the hot dogs. Ha ha. If you thought that was funny.

Everyday since then has been about wise-cracks and jokes about me boozin' it up, going horse-back riding, or if I can't eat, say raw tuna or something, we'd raise our hands up in the air and exclaim, "why, what's soooo different now?" and, "why am I so tired, whatever can be wrong with me?". Also, since we've decided not to say anything to our friends and family yet (sort of) its been fun having our little secret, and exchanging sly looks when I don't partake in any alcohol when we go out with people. He says he's going to gain weight along with me, which only makes me NOT want to gain anything more than the baby/placenta/boobs allowance of 25-30 lbs! Now that I'm actually 10 weeks along, I've gone back to a bit of exercising, more on that later...

Some ladies are gonna hate me, but honestly, ever since I found out the truth (that I wasn't PMS'ing for 2 months) I've felt, well terrific. No nausea, no morning sickness, no weird cravings. Between 5-8 weeks I was tired and sleepy, but we were also having a horrible heat wave. I had bizarre allergy attacks, but it was early summer. I was a raving lunatic but, well I thought I was PMS'ing. Now, I feel actually kinda sexy, glorious...earthly. Maybe being knocked up agrees with me. Yeah no kidding.

What I got going on right now

The Family Album.

My 30's have been a re-visit of my teenage years. I have a pretty fun job as a designer and spend my free time traveling, painting, horseback riding, working out, hanging out with my dogs and well, just feeling free and youthful. I didn't even blink an eye when I turned 35. The fun never stops in my opinion and getting older hasn't felt old at all. I had a pretty tough childhood and 20s, and my serious relationship before this one made me feel like an old lady. So I have really been enjoying my life and feeling like a teenager for once in my life. We love to have friends over, and I painted everynight. My normal bed-time was about 2 a.m. everynight. Everyone says "everything changes once you have a kid!" I am looking forward to it, but I hope I won't sound like I'm whining when I start saying that to my younger sister.

The Prologue

Talk about jumping head first into unknown waters. For the 2 years we've been dating, we've pretty much just gone with the flow. I'm happy, he's happy and we've pretty much left it as that. The really funny thing is the day before the 4th, I had been having crazy mood swings and totally broke up with him, threatened to move out, and blurted, "Moving in was the biggest mistake of my life!". I thought I was having a month-long PMS attack, and due to being worn out over a long extended weekend of going out everynight, partying with friends, (how terrible right?). I felt like I wanted out! Silly me, I was just preggo. On the morning of July 4th 2006, right before the Space Shuttle Discovery took off with a pristine launch, I took one of them clear blue easy tests. You know, the kind that spells it out for you. PREGNANT. ooops, maybe I shouldn't have broken up with him.

Guess What?

Holy Mary, Mother of God, I am with child!

Preggo, PG, knocked up, Federlined. Yep that's me. Currently it's a secret. (sort of) You know, and my man knows. As I mentioned, I am 35 (going on 17), lived many life-times, free as a bird artist and designer living in Los Angeles with my man-friend/baby daddy, 2 dogs and a cat. I had a pretty full life before I got the big fat positive and I now spend my days pondering and daydreaming how life will be in about 30 weeks. Not that I am afraid of the little addition, I'm excited and understand that at my gasp, advanced age, "Its now or never". I've been ready, not ready, and ready for a long time but the truth is.. it just took me this long to land the right guy! Or maybe it is the other way around.

Bingo! Bullseye! We've hit the jackpot on the road to breederdom, continuing our lineage of superb genes! We're now "in da' club" and I get to know what all those preggar ladies where babbling about, and now get to feel self-important (I'm carrying the next president of the United States! For godssakes!) I'm Earth Mother, goddess, hear me roar and get out of my way!

Actually- I, like many millions of women before me have done this thing. And as mentioned before, being an unmarried, previously fancy free and footloose, "older" broad raising a mixed-race luvbaby with all the uncertainties of this nutty world will sure have its challenges. But I like to imagine myself standing there with my hair in the wind, braving the changes to come...This is destiny! Written in the stars, planned out for ages! Well no, this story sorta started the night my boyfriend said, "well if you don't feel like taking the pill, then don't"...

'OK'