Thump thump thump thump!

Yahoooo. Another milestone. Just had my 12 week exam and everything is normal. Which is great because I was seriously freakin' myself out. I'm telling you, I need to stop reading those forums, at least about the miscarriages. Its so nerve-wracking and made me so nervous before this appointment. There is TOO much information. I need to go back to appreciating the mysteries-of-the womb instead and wean myself from absorbing too much knowlege.

I got to hear the heartbeat, which was super cool. It was so loud and easy to hear. The doc said it was because I don't have a lot of "subcutaneous layers". She said everything is as it should be. Iron levels, good. Blood pressure, perfect. Yay

Since I have really no symptoms or morning sickness, it can feel like I'm not even knocked up, or worse, what if something happened, how would I know I was still preggars?? I kinda want one of those dopplers to hear the heartbeat everyday! But then I might get obsessed and start listening too much, or freak out if the heart is not beating fast enough, or too fast.

Well for now, I am feeling good, my heart is back to its normal low-anxiety "chillin" state. I should thank my lucky stars I don't feel sick to my stomach, kick back and start to enjoy this thing!

Promise I won't be that way

Being over 35, I am always besieged by questions such as, "when are you gonna get marrrrriiiiiieeeed??" or "If you want kids, you better hurry uuuUP!". Followed by comments about how I'll end up an old maid, die lonely and regret not "settling" down. First of all I exclaim to these assholes, "I am NOT going to SETTLE" and secondly, I ask, "when are you getting a divorce". That usually shuts them up. I have a lot of nosy "old country" aunts who love to make catty remarks about how the only men left for me out there will be old dried up men, perfect match for my dried up womb. Ha, little do they know.

I find these remarks not even worth my time, I can't believe sometimes what women say to each other. Maybe they are really concerned for my welfare, but I suspect A) They have no life and have nothing better to say, or B) they are assholes who must be so miserable they want to bring a little misery to someone else. All I know is this: I hope I will never be THAT biotch. I guess men can be catty too. Either way, "when are you gonna get maaaaaaaaaaaaaarried" is one question I'm going to try my darndest not to say. Unless its to my own kid, where that is totally acceptable and not out of line at all!

Perhaps I should not lift (extremely) heavy objects

Part of having a Rebel Mama attitude is to not let my condition stop me from doing the things I always have. If it includes trying to stuff an extremely heavy couch into my little Honda Suv, so be it. There I was, lifting, sweating, willing this damn thing to squeeze into my cargo area with no success. At some point I knew I had to give up, but not without trying for another 30 minutes, contorting the couch into various positions.

20 minutes later and a breathless me decided to give it up. I'll let some other unpregnant lady try and do this. So I walked away from a free couch, and a realization that man, I am tired! I also admitted to myself that I will not be able to do this kind of marathon, muscle-bound work in a few weeks. Better save that resolve and energy for 9 months later.

The rational and irrational fears of the pregnant

I told you how I spend a lot of time in pregnancy forums (at work, don't tell my boss!) and I've compiled a list of common fears that befall us (and me). Some are legit, some are silly. But hey, that extra shot of harmones really does give you a mind trip! Here it is in no special order....our fears! Let me know if I'm forgetting any!

1) Fear of Labor
2) Fear the baby will be born 11 lbs
3) Fear of Ectopic pregnancy
4) Having only $5 in my savings account
5) Ability to parent
6) Changes with our partner
7) Weight gain, foot gain, butt gain
8) If child will grow up to be a serial killer
9) Stretch marks
10) That my partner will dump me
12) My partner will dump me cuz I'm being a pain in the ass
13) Will never get to go out dancing ever again
14) Will be a future driver of a mini-van
15) Every little abdominal pain is scary
16) My narrow hips will never push that baby out
17) Fear of Miscarriage
18) Fear of raw tuna
19) Fear of the smell of raw tuna
20) Sudden fear of my dog and those canine teeth
21) Fear of my childless single girlfriends reaction
22) Fear of loosing my cool
23) Fear of loosing my sex appeal and
having to resort to wearing "mom jeans"

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www.guzer.com/videos/mom_jeans.php

Don't eat watermelon and other old wives tales

This summer was a hot one and when its hot, I crave, desire, WANT watermelon. You know, I can sit there and eat a whole watermelon no problem. Then my mom said that I wasn't supposed to eat it due to some chinese beliefs. That, and oh--bananas, beans, salads and other nutritious items that are deemed "too cold" and might harm the baby. C'mon! Then I get checkup calls from her. Not to see how I am doing, but to tell me to get rid of my dog, cover my belly so the baby don't catch cold, don't exercise at all...oh and move out of my house because its on a busy street. Needless to say, shes driving me nuts. Then she'll try and guess the sex of the luvbaby by how red my nose is...or not. So far she flip flops so I guess she doesn't really know. Currently she thinks its a boy. Well shes 50% right. Am I listening to these old wives tales? Nope. I way I see it, if my baby aint strong enough to survive me eating a watermelon or two, and some damn beans well maybe it aint right for this world. We can't shield the little one from everything, the borage of germs that will envelope the new-born, the chemicals, toxins-- all this will be a part of his or her's life and well he or she is gonna have to be strong--survival of the fittest right? I am not the first person in this world to have a baby, why I just read in the L.A times women from mexico have crossed the border pregnant and without food for days in the hot desert sun so um, I am not gonna sweat it, I'll take another slice of that watermelon.

The scent of fried chicken

I've always been a carb addict. I love pasta, rice, bread, pies, pastries, pies. Oh and pies. I love apple pie. Except for now. Right now, what I really crave is a steak, or perhaps a whole rotisserie chicken, ahhh. Korean BBQ sounds pretty good right about now. I said I didn't have any Weird Cravings (like pickles and Ice cream). That doesn't mean I don't salivate at the scent of slow-cooked meat.
Funny that I should crave salt and meat instead of sweets and carbs. I blame the luvman. It must be his genes. I'm normally "almost vegetarian" with a love for apple pie. The only sweet things I crave now is fruit. Especially watermelon. There is no way I can be satisfied with just a veggie lasagna. I can probably eat a whole watermelon. Just don't forget the fried chicken.

What's the big deal about telling and why I now know

I recently sat down with my best friend "Renee" at dinner and I got her chatting about her sister who just gave birth. Asked all the juicy questions without making it obvious that my interest is purely selfish. I wanted to know! Did it hurt? How long was her labor? Did she have morning sickness? When did she tell everyone?

That's when Renee said, "I don't know what the big deal is, why do preggo ladies have to wait the requisite 13 weeks to tell?!" I just briefly remarked that its just to make sure that the pregnancy "stuck".

"Well then, just tell everyone it didn't stick, who cares!". Boy she had no idea.

I used to think the same thing, but after spending countless hours on www.babycenter.com and other forums, I realize sometimes, a lot of pregnancies didn't stick and it is a truly traumatic and sometimes even embarrassing situation for many women. The ecstatic mood you are in makes you want to shout it to the world! Then you hear the pain of someone who had to tell that same world that it ended in miscarriage is too much for most to bear. Not to mention, in this age of informational onslaught, you feel like so many things can go wrong...so I'm definitely gonna wait until after my next appointment. So until then...

I remain tight lipped.